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When Your Inner Conversation Messes with Your Success (and what to do about it)

Leadership | 0 comments

At a meetup recently, I was having a lively conversation with a couple of folks after most of the people at our table had left. And I noticed my little ego popping up to say “Hey, look at me, I’m important.”

You ever notice those moments? You know when you’re in a conversation with someone, and you can feel your ego wanting attention or lapping up the attention it’s getting?

Most times what happens next, especially for spiritual trailblazers and thought leaders, is you suppress that desire for attention. Why? Fear of being seen and heard, even though you actually really want to be noticed and have people pay attention to you and your gifts. And Shame for thinking highly of yourself or for wanting the attention.

A lot of times we don’t even notice this stuff. It’s just background noise.

When you suppress the urge to say anything to bring more attention to you, you become invisible again. It’s like magic – fox magic actually. Tada! There you are at a networking event full of people or an Internet full of millions of websites and nobody can find you. Hmmmm… kind of like my websites being hacked into last week. So yeah, it wasn’t lost on me that my website hack attack was actually about me jumping to the next level of my own business being seen and heard.

So… here I was at this meetup… and I was responding to a question someone had asked me about my singing and finding your purpose. I said that yes, my gift is channelling medicine songs, and through that and my other gifts, that I help my clients to bring out their most powerful spiritual gifts, overcome the terror of being seen and heard, and find their voice.

I felt my ego pop up when I said I’m the only one who does what I do in the way I do it. It’s true actually and it can be for you too, because we all unique individuals with unique experiences, backgrounds and gifts.

So anyway, then, not only does my ego pop up, but the other side of it – the “who-am-I-to” part of me – gets going. And then who joins the party, but my Inner Rebel, who’s talking about how I stopped singing cover songs because it grated on me that it wasn’t my own completely unique song, so now I channel my songs live on stage, and a song is always ready for me any time I need to sing one. And again I feel my ego with its chin up, going “What are you gonna say to that, huh?”

In the past, I would have suppressed my ego immediately and felt ashamed of myself for thinking like that. I admit there was a tinge of shame in there. But years ago I would have gone right into what many people mistake for humility… which is shame and a sort of putting yourself in your place, putting yourself down for thinking you might actually be smarter or better at something than anyone else. That ever happen to you? That’s NOT humility. It’s low self-esteem.

I want to END SHAME and LOW SELF-ESTEEM on the planet because they keep people off their path and out of their inner power.

You know what? Suppressing your ego and other inner voices can lead to just as much throat chakra imbalance as suppressing your outer voice.

It’s important NOT to SUPPRESS your Inner Conversation. Instead, let your Observer join the party and let the conversation flow.

It’s always interesting to allow my Observer to come forward – kind of like having a lucid dream where all of a sudden you realize you’re in the dream. Unfortunately our default setting usually bypasses the Observer part of us and goes straight to something like “How DARE you feel that way or say that or even think that, like who are YOU to think you’re so HOT and better than everybody else?” Right?

Let’s just spell this out here. Your Inner Conversation usually has 2 or 3 voices – and it’s best when all 3 are present.

Your 3 Inner Voices…

1. Ego: Fear, self-doubt, judgement, self-sabotage, the “who am I to” voice that says STOP when you’re about to leap to the next level. And also the other side of ego, the side that wants to be stroked and paid attention to.

2. Your Inner Rebel: I LOVE this girl. Seriously, LOVE her. Why? Because we play well together now. We didn’t always and it’s a fine art to learn to do that. She’s the one going “Did you really just say I shouldn’t do that? F*** YOU. YES I CAN and I’m going to RIGHT NOW!!!” So she can have a teensy bit of attitude… lol and when you develop a great relationship with her, she can steer you to that next level. So get on her good side. 😉

3. Your Spirit, who is in charge of your Intuition: You follow her soft voice and subtle inner promptings, and you manifest what you really desire. You have breakthrough experiences. However, if you’re living up in what I like to call “Spirit-Land” without being grounded in your body, then manifesting and creating can be a challenge, even if you’re in a high vibrational frequency.

Well, Guess What? You Need All 3 Inner Voices… Plus…

  • Your physical and spiritual voice – so you can speak your truth.
  • PLUS… The voice of your Observer, overseeing the whole party.

What would it be like for you to allow your Ego, Inner Rebel, Spirit and Observer to ALL have a place in the Inner Conversation?

What you experience if you then applied your physical and spiritual voice to that Inner Conversation, and spoke your Truth?

Share your thoughts below.

I know. A lot to take in. Your inner voices are probably gathering and taking notes and wondering what to say next. That’s okay. The more you allow them to speak their truth and create an inner and outer atmosphere for ALL of you to speak your truth in your work and play, the more successful, unique and sought after you will become.

So here’s what my WHOLE Inner and Outer Conversation was like earlier…

My Spirit: Tell this person about your business. She’s talking to you for a deeper reason here.

Me: Response to her question about what I do, as a story and example of what’s possible for my clients too.

Her: She responded with a “WOW” expression, pause and compliment.

My Ego: Damn right, I’m amazing, and I’m the only one who can do this. I’m so great!

The “Who Am I To” Side of My Ego: Wow, you think you’re pretty great, don’t you?

My Observer: Ohhhh… this is so interesting what’s going on here. Did you see how you just captured her attention by just being who you are and speaking your truth? She’s mesmerized. Spirit, heard you loud and clear and hearing you now. Ego, we hear you, and this is NOT about you. Yes, we’re great at what we do. We deserve that attention. And. She deserves our full attention too. Let’s hear what she has to say next.

Her: Asks me some personal advice about healing.

Me: Conversation continues. I tell her about how I used to be terrified of being seen and heard.

Her: Wow, I would never have guessed that. You drew me right to you, like I HAD to talk to you.

Me + Spirit + Ego + Observer – Everybody at the Party: That’s because I’ve worked on this for a long time and I found my own voice in so many ways.

And I continued sharing from my heart and soul, fully aware of what I was saying and why. A beautiful conversation continued.

And this is how a networking conversation, a talk from the stage, a collaborative meeting, or even a casual chat over tea, can go when ALL of you joins the party.

I’d love to hear YOUR experiences with all of these voices that we all have – your Inner and Outer Conversations. I’d be delighted if you share your comments below and I look forward to perhaps having a conversation with you and all of your voices. 😉

Love & Blessings,

Brenda MacIntyre, Medicine Song Woman



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About Brenda MacIntyre

About Brenda MacIntyre

Known by her indigenous name Medicine Song Woman, Brenda MacIntyre has shared her evocative melodic voice and fusion of reggae, rap and indigenous hand drum healing music with appreciative audiences of 30 to 3,000 across North America. The Toronto-based Juno Award-winning singer has been featured nationally on MuchMusic, CTV, CP24, APTN and most recently, Global and the front page of the Toronto Star.

Powered by her grief from losing her son to murder in 2016, Brenda MacIntyre pours her soulful voice over a confluence of indigenous hand drum healing, soft rap and conscious roots reggae in her album “Picking Up the Pieces,” released in September 2019.

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