I just had another test from the Universe in speaking the truth. I’ve been teaching about how to find your voice and speak your truth for 17 or 18 years now. When you teach about finding your voice, guess what happens? Yes, exactly… opportunities to find my voice routinely show up for me. Some of them are fun and some are not so fun.
You know when people dishonour agreements with you, and then you have to choose if and how to call them out on it? You want a favourable outcome but you know that it won’t come in the package you were hoping for. To speak your truth or to not say anything. Hmmmm…. And then if you do say something, how will you say it to get the best results? That’s what I just had to do, so here are a few pointers and things I learned in the experience.
Having to send an email response to a business owner, who has not only dishonoured our agreement but also made up excuses as to why, got me thinking. First of all, I can turn this icky experience into this article for you, so hopefully you can feel more empowered around speaking your truth in difficult circumstances. Second, I knew I had to speak my truth and not just say nothing.
Here are my top 7 tips on how to speak the truth with grace and power…
1. Decide whether you need to speak your truth or stay silent. I have a whole chapter on silence in my Sacred Feminine Success Path™ program, because silence has many forms. Not all silence is negative. Sometimes it’s very empowering to choose silence. Sometimes your silence – instead of an immediate response – will get the other person thinking and turn the conversation in an unexpectedly positive direction. Sometimes speaking your truth, especially if it’s an intuitive or channelled truth, isn’t in the best interests of you or the other person because they are so in their fear about spiritual connection or truth that they can’t accept what you tell them. Pause. Breathe. Feel into your intuition. Decide.
2. Sometimes being extremely direct, with no fluff, is necessary. I like to put a lovely frame around my words and sometimes that is not what is needed. Directness and clarity are really important when it comes to speaking truth, especially when you’ve noticed that a softer approach isn’t getting any response. Don’t confuse directness with anger. They are not the same. You can be direct without being angry, and you can express anger without being direct. In my situation, I needed a little of both.
3. If an email or what you want to say to someone is charged with your anger, frustration etc., write it out first (or literally talk or yell it out uncensored all by yourself somewhere nobody can hear you), leave it and come back to it at least twice, and don’t send it or talk to the person until all unnecessary emotional charge is released from you and it. In other words, there’s no need for you to be a jerk about it. But do make sure you say what you really need to say. If it’s not an email but you need to have a conversation over the phone or in person, and things have gotten intense and could go off the rails, you can tell them you need a few minutes (or hours) to think things over before continuing the conversation.
4. We’re all human. I like to believe the best about people. I also like to believe that spiritual entrepreneurs are ethical and respectable. That’s a bit of a spiritual bypass for me because it’s a fantasy. People are people. Sometimes people will do or say things out of integrity with the intention of hurting you. Sometimes their intentions are not to hurt anyone. Sometimes people are so deep in their shit, they can’t even see it (that’s a quote from my elder lol!). Check in intuitively and read or listen to the actual words being said to you, and also pay attention to what’s in between the lines to see what’s actually true. People can send all kinds of mixed messages and weird energy when they don’t want to see, hear or speak the truth. In my case, the person told half-truths, made up excuses and threw an actual truth in along the way. Pay attention with ALL your senses and TRUST YOURSELF. We all have inner knowings and your body will have ways of telling you what’s true and what isn’t. To flip this around, make sure YOU aren’t sending out mixed signals and weird energy in your communications. It could be that YOU are so deep in your shit you can’t see it. It’s always good to check in. That’s why #2 is important. It never feels good on the receiving end of that.
5. There is always, always a teaching or blessing for you in every experience. My process: When someone says something – especially about you – that you don’t agree with or appreciate, check in with yourself. Is any part of what the person is saying about their experience of you true? Is there some personal growth work for you in this situation? Is this person someone you want in your life or is it time to let them go? Is there a situation outside of this one in your life, where YOU’RE doing what this person is doing to you, to someone else?
6. Only say yes to what you really want to say yes to, and learn how to say no when it’s needed. Let your intuition have its full voice when you’re making decisions or in conversation with people. If I’m deeply honest with myself, there was something “off” that I couldn’t put my finger on when we spoke initially. I ignored it because everything else seemed really good and I was interested in collaborating with this person. Then she energetically opted out of the agreement at some point and completely ignored my emails, rather than telling me she was no longer interested in collaborating with me. I’m sure you can relate. Most of us have been on both sides of this fence. You know those times when you desperately want out of a conversation or an agreement because it or the person no longer feels aligned with you, or you just have a bad feeling about it? Or those times when you leave a conversation thinking, wow, this is great… but you have an underlying feeling that maybe it isn’t so great? Your intuition knows. The more we not only listen to our intuition but take action based on it, the more aligned our lives can become.
7. Last but not least, you may or may not get a favourable response, or any response at all. Don’t expect unicorns and rainbows. You might get those or you might get the opposite, even after your best efforts, but speaking your truth with power and grace will bring you great results in the end. In my scenario, after I took all of the above advice and sent an email back that I was happy with… it bounced back to me, saying too many emails had been sent from me to her address. She also made sure I couldn’t reach her by any other method either. What’s important is, I did everything on my end to be in integrity with myself, and I did my best to speak my truth without being all nicey nicey about it, but still not being a jerk either. There is a fine line. 😉
Got your own ideas or feedback about grief, trauma and sucking it up? Aha’s hitting you right now? Please share on the blog. I’d love to hear about it. (:
Thanks & Blessings to you.
Brenda MacIntyre – Medicine Song Woman