Today is my mom’s birthday. Bless her soul. Not sure how old she would’ve been. She committed suicide when I was 15. I know she was only in her 30’s. I remember her sitting at the table crying all over the Easter card I gave her. We weren’t told she was manic depressive. Big family secret. Except I learned a little psychology and actually figured it out on my own. She got through my brother’s birthday 2 weeks later, and then she ended her life on April 27th. So this is a difficult time for me every year. Stuff comes up, memories of my mom and thankfully, a sense of peace knowing she finally found her way into the light after I had a ceremony done for her spirit.
Most of us… our parents weren’t perfect. They gave us the teachings they knew, verbally and by example, whether those teachings were proven to be useful or not. You know what?
It’s our choice what we want to listen to and act on now… our inner guidance and what really works – or what we were programmed with when we were younger, whether it works or not.
Here’s some big stuff my mom taught me… stuff that worked and stuff that didn’t… and here’s what I have decided to do instead:
1. NEVER ask for anything. My New Take: Ask for What You Desire!
Desire is Key #4 in my Step into Your Birthright teachings that ironically come from a vision I had when I was 7. Desire is SO. IMPORTANT. So is asking for what you need and want!!
My mom’s teachings traumatized me so much that into my 20’s, I couldn’t even help myself to a snack at a good friend’s house unless it was specifically offered to me, or borrow something from a friend, or ask for a friend’s support. I also learned not to ask questions about the weird dreams I had (out of body experiences and sleep paralysis).
You know what happened? I stopped asking for what I wanted. I lost sight of most of my inner desires. I internalized the belief that I didn’t deserve or get to have what I wanted, so I got a whole lot of what I didn’t want instead. Thankfully my desire to sing was strong enough that I never gave up on it, even without any support whatsoever from my parents. Whew! Desire is potent medicine. If you’ve lost yours, rekindle it NOW. It will change your life.
2. Accept what you have and say thank you whether you like it or not. My New Take: Find Acceptance and Gratitude and grow and expand into more of what you desire.
I got what I got and I’d better say thank you for it and even compliment people on what they’ve given me, whether I actually liked it or wanted it or not. That was what my mom told me, over and over again.
Talk about mixed signals. Hey, Universe, please send me more of this crap I’ll never use and never wanted in the first place, because it’s really really awesome. Seriously?
Gratitude is good… when we use it correctly. I was asked to be begrudgingly grateful for stuff I didn’t need, want or like, and then lie about liking it. That just confuses the Universe. But if you play big with gratitude when you receive what you really really do desire, then you’ll start getting more of the good stuff.
Acceptance is good too when we get it right. There’s this little sweet spot between acceptance of what is right now… and resigning to “it’s always going to be this way”. Mmmm. I just got that at a whole new level lol. Accept what is, and turn your petals to the sun to receive what else is coming.
3. You don’t get to choose what you want. My Take: Every moment in life is a choice. We can choose whatever and whenever we want.
You get to choose your clients. You get to choose how to do business, what to charge, who gets to spend time with you, who doesn’t…
My mom picked out all my clothes. She made most of my decisions for me, right down to my hair style, until I was in about Grade 8. I was known as “Elastic Pants” in elementary school because of the lame outfits I had to wear. Ugh. This is why I let my daughter dye her hair as a teenager, cut up her jeans, get plugs in her ears and just be who she is. I didn’t get to have choices like that and liberating myself has been one of the biggest, most amazing acts of sacred self-care I could possibly do!
But I couldn’t get there on my own. My mom certainly didn’t. She couldn’t ask for what she needed or wanted, she didn’t get appropriate support, and now she’s gone. I know that’s an extreme case, but seriously, sometimes we all need a wakeup call, right?
Thanks to my mom, I decided I would NEVER GIVE UP. And I haven’t. I’ve been so very close to giving up on my business, giving up on ever being happy… but then I remember her. I can get support when I need it. I can finally give myself permission to be seen and heard and make my requests known to the Universe and to the people in my life. Okay, maybe not my kids yet but I’m working on that one. (:
My point is… it’s YOUR CHOICE.
I know for sure that we are always making decisions. Even not making a decision is a decision. Taking action or procrastinating are both decisions. Being who we are or hiding the spiritual parts of ourselves that we’re afraid to show… those are both decisions. How do you choose?
If you’ve been denying yourself what you truly desire or you can’t seem to manifest what you want… or you’re hiding instead of letting yourself be seen and heard…
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Lots of Love & Blessings,
Brenda MacIntyre – Medicine Song Woman
If you’ve enjoyed this #TruthbyBrenda article, you can go get your free Find Your Voice Gift Pack, and a subscription to my #TruthbyBrenda Soundbytes, videos and ezine at MedicineSongWoman.com. I’m Brenda MacIntyre, Medicine Song Woman. Blessings of sweet success to you. Until next time, or as we say in the Ojibwe language, ba ma pii.
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